Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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