I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
