So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
