I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
