I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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