party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Someone came in the potted fern
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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