Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Houston, we have a squirter
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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