i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
