If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize