don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
