It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The air taste purple.
Randomize
