its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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