also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
