The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
They took my balls.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
