i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
