this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
