he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
