I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
