She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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