What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
