i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
