I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
