you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize