We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
