Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
