Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize