My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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