I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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