ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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