there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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