Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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