i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
