i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
