You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize