my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
