I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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