the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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