All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
