I could make wine with my vomit
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
