Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
