Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
