You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
