If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
