dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
