Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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