Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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