Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
