I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
