Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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