Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
