you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Operation Purity has been aborted
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize