Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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