RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
