Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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