This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize