Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
