I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize