Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
