loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
