Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize