Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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