they need to just BURY HIM!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
