the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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