I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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