Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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