I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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