Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
