Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
