Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
