My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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